<?php
/**
 * <https://y.st./>
 * Copyright © 2018 Alex Yst <mailto:copyright@y.st>
 * 
 * This program is free software: you can redistribute it and/or modify
 * it under the terms of the GNU General Public License as published by
 * the Free Software Foundation, either version 3 of the License, or
 * (at your option) any later version.
 * 
 * This program is distributed in the hope that it will be useful,
 * but WITHOUT ANY WARRANTY; without even the implied warranty of
 * MERCHANTABILITY or FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE. See the
 * GNU General Public License for more details.
 * 
 * You should have received a copy of the GNU General Public License
 * along with this program. If not, see <https://www.gnu.org./licenses/>.
**/

$xhtml = array(
	'<{title}>' => 'A romantic evening for three',
	'<{subtitle}>' => 'Written in <span title="World Literature">ENGL 1405</span> by <a href="https://y.st./">Alexand(er|ra) Yst</a>, finalised on 2018-07-25',
	'<{copyright year}>' => '2018',
	'takedown' => '2017-11-01',
	'<{body}>' => <<<END
<p>
	Hello.
	My name is Edward Tappington.
</p>
<p>
	I&apos;m seeking a female companion to share my life with.
	Someone open to the strange and unusual.
	Someone who&apos;d be okay with there being a third wheel on our dates.
	I&apos;m not into threesomes or anything like that, but there&apos;s a man who is in the habit of hitting me on the head with an umbrella.
	He&apos;s been doing it incessantly for over five years.
	He goes everywhere I go, whether like it or not.
	I used to try to escape him, but it was always in vain.
	The two of us come as a package deal.
	He&apos;s not much of a conversationalist, but should we date, you&apos;ll be seeing a lot of him.
	You&apos;ll need to get used to the fact that we can never have any private moments together though.
	He never leaves my side.
</p>
<p>
	Perhaps my greatest fear is that he&apos;ll one day leave me.
	I&apos;ve grown accustomed to those taps, and I no longer enjoy being alone.
	I seek a lady who would perhaps be open to tapping my head in his place should he ever depart.
</p>
<p>
	I may not be much of a looker, but I&apos;m physically fit, and able to run much faster than most people.
	I enjoy reading the news while receiving gentle umbrella taps to the head.
	I also enjoy silent company, but I&apos;d love to have someone that can hold a conversation as well.
	If you&apos;re not much of a talker, we probably aren&apos;t right for one another.
	On a date, I&apos;d want to do something we could hold a discussion during.
	As I said, I already have the silent company I need, so I&apos;m not looking for someone to accompany me somewhere where silence is expected, such as a movie theatre.
	I&apos;d much rather go to the fair with you, or even do something mundane such as grocery shopping, as long as we can enjoy a pleasant conversation while we&apos;re there.
</p>
<p>
	As I said, I hate being alone, though that&apos;s not much of a problem any more.
	My seemingly-unnamed companion always keeps me company, even if he doesn&apos;t do much else.
	I&apos;m not clingy, and will certainly give you all the space you need.
	I&apos;m also not afraid of intimacy though.
	I share my every moment with this umbrella-toting man, and I would certainly like to also share my life with you should we be compatible.
	I also hate unanswered questions.
	I&apos;ll always give you as straight an answer as I can, and I expect the same from you in turn.
</p>
END
);
